I am trying to be civil to my ex wife when around my children, but when I see them, her boyfriend is always there. He is the one I caught her cheating on me with and I just can not stand to be in the same place with him. He was at my sons birthday party, and also when she asked me to come pick out baseball shoes for them. I have had a serious confrontation with him and was able to restrain myself from becoming physical with him but he is always there and I am concerned that it will escalate. Any advice? Im trying to show my sons something different than just kicking his butt. Which by the way is what my Dad would have done in my position.
How can I be civil to my ex for my children%26#039;s sake?
It sounds to me, that you have a good head on your shoulders and have a foundation started for dealing with this. You have recognized that this is a problem that has to be worked on. The best advice I can give you is set a good example for your children. Let go of the past, what%26#039;s done is done. If you get into a situation where you feel like it could become physical, remove yourself from it for a while. That will give you time to reflect on exactly what it is that is irritating you so you can deal with it. Children love both parents and shouldn%26#039;t have to take sides. It is ok to be angry but it is not ok to act on it. Face the pain and the anger you have and learn how to communicate with your ex so all of you can be on the same page and not push each other%26#039;s buttons. You have a good start! Good luck!
Reply:It will only escalate if you allow it to. You need to stop blaming this boyfriend for the break-up of your marriage. Interestingly enough, you can stand to be around your wife, and yet she was equally culpable in adultery. So instead of taking out your anger on both of them, equally, the boyfriend is the sole focus of your anger.
Understandable, but not productive. Understand that he does not hold 100% of the blame, and perhaps he won%26#039;t get 100% of your anger.
Reply:ask your ex is it possilbe when you come and see your kids that the boyfriend isn%26#039;t around.let her know you are having problem with seeing him and that you want to stay civil for the children sake.things like shopping for shoes tell her that you and the kids will go together so you wwouldn%26#039;t have to be in this guy presence.somehow though you the ex-wife and the boyfriend will have to get along for the kids sake.
Reply:who cares what your dad would have done in your position. Do you think that justifies you if you do let it escalate?
Get something through your head - your wife cheating on you was not this man%26#039;s fault. She is the one who made the choice to destroy her family - she chose him, more than likely by doing what most cheaters do, feeding him lies. The ONLY person you have any right to have any animosity to when it comes to this is you ex.
quite frankly, you should pity the poor guy - what happened to you is going to happen to him eventually.
You are no longer married, your ex has a right to move on with her life, with this guy, or any other one. As do you. Stop living in the past, get yourself out on the market and meet someone better. If you can%26#039;t, then get into therapy to help you move on, as well as learn techniques for anger management.
Reply:tell her that leave him at home and that have separate birthday parties thats what i do with my kids. and tell her how you feel and she should be by herself if she wants you along to pick out baseball shoes etc. hope this helps
Reply:p is for poison
Reply:You sound like you still have feelings for her.
Just treat her as your children%26#039;s mom and you will be a better person than she is.
your children will notice!!!!!!!!!
Reply:why yopu mad at him?
it%26#039;s you ex wife that you should be angry at if at all
she is the slut that went behind your back...
if anything i would have no ill will towards the guy
keep the blame on where it belongs
your ex
not him
if anything be exceptionally cool towards him
after all if he is willing to take over, let him take over payments
let him get married to her
let him get divorced from her ( as you know she%26#039;ll cheat yet again ), let him have all the headaches
you have been libertized and you do not even know it
be cool to her as well
show the kids you are the better parent and stronger one
the damage, btw , to the kids is done
they are smart enough to know mommy messed things up
in time they will turn on her
and then she have to deal with rebellious teenagers
i also bet you married too young
realize that mistake and never marry again
as you now see there is no benefit for it for a man
Reply:I%26#039;m right there with you. My ex is the same way...he takes his new relationship and throws it in my face at EVERY possible opportunity. I seriously want to rearrange his face sometimes, but I just think back to how bad he hurt me, and I refuse to sink to that level. He wasn%26#039;t worth it then....and he isn%26#039;t worth it now.
Reply:Imagine that you%26#039;re trying to teach your sons what a really classy guy acts like. Which is not to say that acting with restraint and civility is wimp behavior - it is not. It%26#039;s the stuff of maturity. It%26#039;s the way people who are well-brought up contain their anger and make other people around them think, %26#039;Wow, how does he do that?%26#039; That%26#039;s not to say that your dad was wrong being an a**-kicker; it%26#039;s just that he wouldn%26#039;t inspire others to settle things peacefully, now, would he? The Arnold Schwarznegger hero punching out the bad guy was great on the screen but now that Arnie%26#039;s the governor of California, he hardly ever rips a new one in someone who disagrees with him.
Reply:Kill him with kindness. Be nice because it shows a great life lesson to your son. That you can be nice to people when they have done you wrong. rest assured they will have to reap what they have sowed. And you don%26#039;t have to do a thing. Keep your anger in control. When the time comes and your ex is crying about something that has happened between them then kindly remind her how she treated you.
Reply:You need to stop being selfish and only thinking of yourself, pal. It is not about you, about him or your ex-wife.....it is about your kids! Hey, even God can%26#039;t change the past and neither can you. It is OVER and everyone else has moved on but YOU! Just STOP.....stop being a jerk. So, she cheated and then married the guy.....get over it. You will be connected to this woman for the rest of your life and you can either make yourself miserable and be the outcast or you can let the past be the past and do what is the right thing for your kids. Kids sense things and your goal is to be a role model for them. Take charge of yourself....now go do the right thing!
Reply:I commend you on your efforts. Ultimately it is about the children. If you blow up then it will absolutely set a horrible example for the children. And if you %26amp; your ex ever go to court over custody issues it could be terrible.
Try to take your ex wife aside %26amp; NICELY inform her that what she is doing is disrespectful %26amp; puts the kids in a tense situation. Birthdays maybe, but stuff as trivial as shoe shopping could she please leave the guy at home to avoid conflict. If she%26#039;s ignorant about it quickly end the conversation to avoid further trouble.
Just keep doing what you%26#039;re doing. One day, when your kids are older %26amp; closer to adult hood, they%26#039;ll somehow put the pieces of this chapter together (don%26#039;t tell them, of course) %26amp; your ex will have to deal w/ that. You are showing your love %26amp; respect for your children every time you display restraint for their sake. Keep that in mind when it gets tough, because I;m sure it does. Good luck %26amp; may I just say, good job, Dad!
Reply:You are being a good dad!!! I know it must be very hard but you are setting an excellent example for your kids. You continue to be the bigger person....trust me, you will be glad you did down the road. Good luck !!
Reply:You are the true %26quot;Super Dad%26quot;!
You deserve a big pat on the back. Way to go!
Take a deep breath and look at her. Now..think for a moment....would you really and truly want her back?
No. She%26#039;s a cheater. So...guess what he got....a cheater...so guess what she%26#039;s going to do to him....
Okay, with that all said. You know you can be civil because theses two people are not people your kids will admire. Oh...don%26#039;t get me wrong...they will always love their mother.
However, they can look at you and really have a great roll model. Besides..they did you a favor. Now you get free time to do those things you didn%26#039;t because she said no...and spend fun time with your kids...that most of us take for grated.
Good Luck and Great Job!
Reply:Try changing your attitude. If you don%26#039;t think of her as your wife, and he%26#039;s the homewrecker, it will change the way you handle these situations.
Try thinking of her as someone you used to be married to, and this is her new guy, it will help. Also, remember that your children%26#039;s lessons are more important than you feeling better.
You also might try some grief counseling. It may sound strange, but divorce is a death, too; it%26#039;s the death of a marriage, and you may need to come to terms with your loss, so that you can move on.
Reply:be civil to my ex for my children%26#039;s sake
Reply:I admire your sense of responsibility to your children. My husband%26#039;s father got the snot kicked out of him in front of his wife and 4 kids and my husband has never forgotten it. As tough as it is, you%26#039;re going to have to be the adult in the situation because if your ex had any sense, she wouldn%26#039;t want to expose the children to the negative feelings when you%26#039;re around.
I know this isn%26#039;t much help but pat yourself on the back. Not a lot of men can say they maintained their composure under the circumstances and believe me, your kids will notice.
Reply:Good for you for being the better man.If I was you,pull your ex wife on the side and tell her that you feel that it is in no way her boyfriend business to be where you and her are doing things for YALL children.He isnt anything to them.I know it may seem wrong but I dont think he needs to be there when it comes to yall children.You and her made those children,not him and you two.Good Luck...
Also dont hold all your anger on him,it takes two.She is wrong,just as much as he is...
Reply:I sounds like your doing an amazing job and being a super wonderful father. Your setting a good example for this love of your life. your son.....
You sound like a nice guy. you seem to have a good attitude to words how you handle yourself. keep it up.
Just remember it%26#039;s going to hurt your X when she starts to notice that you don%26#039;t care for her or her partner. make sure you make it know that the only reason that your even in there presents is because of your son.
the right person will come around for you.....
wishing you all the best. good luck.
Reply:Rise above it, show them you are the better person.
computer
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment